How to Get the Support You Want From Your Romantic Partner


I’m going to show you ways to get the support you want from your romantic partner. First, let’s start with how to make sure you understand how you will NOT get what you want, then we will do the direct opposite. We may think that yelling, Stone-walling, nagging, complaining or throwing tantrums will get our partner’s attention. It usually does for all of a few seconds until s(he) emotionally shuts down on you. And I have news for you, having a series of emotional outburst is the perfect way to begin the demise of your relationship and do irreversible damage, which often times leads to someone walking out.

Before you can get what you want from your mate, you must first know what it is that YOU want.  Maybe your partner is doing everything she thinks you like, but you’re not satisfied because you haven’t fully identified what you want for yourself. In addition, how we communicate as well as understanding what a person means when he or she says certain things can determine if you will receive anything.

Communication Styles

We can safely assume that at some point in life we learn that men and women communicate differently and because of this difference, there has always been the battle of the sexes.  When women communicate it is usually out of their emotions first, then the problem is second.  When a man communicates he comes from a place of “How can I fix it?”  Let’s look at this example.

If you ask a woman “How are you feeling?” In general, she may reply, “I’m fine.” But she doesn’t really mean it.  What she hasn’t said is, “I’m not really ok, I want you to ask me more questions and probe deeper into my thoughts and figure out what going on with me.” Then if she isn’t asked more probing questions it can lead to her becoming insecure and wanting someone to just “fix it”.  On the other hand, when you ask a man “How are you feeling?” In general, he may reply, “I’m fine.” And guess what? That’s it. He’s actually fine.  And thus again if a woman is analyzing his answer, she may want to probe him further which he may began to see as nagging.  Then again to her, he may be seen as cold and insensitive for not asking the “right” questions.

Whether you are the male or female, how you get what you want from your romantic partner all comes down to knowing your partner and what things make him or her tick.  You must also learn how to effectively communicate to your partner in a manner in which he or she will understand.

What makes her move for you willingly? What makes him want to give you the world?

In order to have your needs met, consider how you are approaching your mate. Do you talk to him or her the way you talk to staff or do you address things in a manner as if you were still at work?  When you talk to your mate, does he or she feel like your staff or like the one you love?  Are you angry, and complaining because you’re fed up? Have you waited until the end of the day to have a heavy discussion when you’re both tired and not in the mood for talking much? Are you lumping in ALL of the relationship’s issue into one big topic and trying to sort them out from an emotional place and now neither of you knows what the real issue is? If you’ve answered “Yes” to at least ½ of one of these questions, this article is for you.

To get the support you want from your romantic partner you can do one simple thing at the right time:  Tell your partner what you want in the most loving none-threatening way possible after you’ve both rested.  Make sure you’ve winded down from your day and give your partner space to do the same.  Some of the best times to initiate things is after a good home-cooked meal or after a fun outing or after intimacy.  The guards are down and your partner is more receptive and relaxed to hear and understand what you want.

Here’s a simple checklist to help you get the support you want from your romantic partner:

1) Sort through the things you need and want from your partner by listing them out on paper or in your mind.  As you review them, ask yourself, “Have I told my partner what I needed or wanted?”  Ask your partner to grade you on how well you provide for them emotionally and mentally, including supporting their endeavors.

2) List out the things your partner has told you he or she needs and determine if you’ve met those needs and wants consistently.  Whether you have or haven’t, make an effort to do better or give more and watch things change for the best.

3) Next time a situation presents itself in which you feel you aren’t getting what you want, take a note of what is happening. If your partner is with you, gently address it at that moment. Often times, people need examples of what they are doing that’s not giving you the support you need. When your partner is in sync with you s(he) is more likely to make adjustments to see you happy. Further, always keep in mind a person doesn’t know what s(he) doesn’t know, until you’ve told them.

4) Praise your partner on the things s(he) does for you that make your life better on a regular basis. Notice the little things such as keeping a clean home, doing laundry, remembering to stock your favorite bag of chips or even simply waiting up for you when you work late. When someone is praise and remembered for the good they do, they will usually go above and beyond to do more than you’re already asking.

The bottom line is, to get the support you want from your romantic partner, s(he) must know what it is that you need and want and you have to be willing to give of yourself too.

Temeca Magee is the Editor-In-Chief of the Milso Guide, a social media platform designed specifically for women and the those who love them who are in need of relationship answers on how to make it work. Milso means "Military Significant Other". Her passion for helping increased tremendously from being a part of the military community during pre/post war times. However, her work has branched off from just serving the military and it is trending to encompass all women who can relate to the journey of being a woman.